Chaotic Thoughts

Constant thoughts running through my mind, some that make no sense at all others making perfect sense. I wish I could make something of these thoughts. I spend my time trying to outrun the thoughts in my head. Making sure that I leave no trail of these thoughts. I try to live without them, yet they always return to me. Just as my nightmare has worked its way back into my dreams at night. I thought I finally shed that part of my thoughts. I wish I could explain all of this to someone and know that they will honestly understand. Yet, I have tried to do this before and they just look at me like "Oh My God". So I give, I keep them to myself. I wish I could be one of those people that have no stress and anxiety. That the biggest thing you have to worry about in your day is everyone else's business. That you have nothing in your life that you are stressed about or that fills your mind with thoughts constantly and no matter what you do you cant get rid of them. To live everyday afraid that the next attack is soon comming. When you tell these people about your "medical" problem they say its all in your head. I don't get that. I don't understand how people can be so blind. I know that I act different when I am having these moments, hours, days, weeks.. my chest felt as if it were caving in on me last night, breathing became a chore, painful each breath did indeed come to me.. I just want it all to stop.. I want to run and hide from everything but I know that solves nothing...

My dear, you know who you are.. thank you for helping me through this. Friendships like this come once in a lifetime, and I cherish yours dearly. I hope we never drift apart again. Thanks for being such a good friend, thanks for being the one that understands me, thanks for never expecting anything in return too.. *hah* I love yah!