jstmealways: Rainbow Graphics (Default)
As a child you think that the more friends you have the better right? Growing up and becoming an adult has proved that wrong to me. I feel that the fewer friends you have the closer that they are and the more that you can trust them. I have been stabbed in the back by more friends than I can honestly remember. What I do remember is how it felt and that I promised myself that I would never treat anyone in that manner. I feel that friends are an extension of family, these are people that know the most about you and those that you trust with your problems, your fears, your joys, and most commonly your secerts. Sometimes its hard to tell who is honestly friend and who is foe. Usually this takes time to find out and once you do discover someone you thought was a friend is honestly a foe. I have found that about several people in my life, people that I thought that I could trust and be honest with. Yet, in the end they enjoy talking about you behind your back and making your life their amusement because they have nothing better to do than to pry into your personal affairs and make those affairs known to all those around you. I don't understand why people must be like this. How sad their lives must be if they have nothing better to do than to sift through someone else's life. I have thought about not journaling anymore because I am sure my journal is a source of information for them seeming as I no longer talk to these people. Yet, this is one of my outs.. a vent. This is my soapbox.

Believe it or not folks, I am happy, I am enjoying my life and living it to my specifications and no one else's. I like where I am at in life, I like the person that I am. I am HAPPY and don't rely on anyone else for this happiness. I don't have to know everyone's business around me.. nor do I find it necessary to spread things around about other people.

I would like to think that to those of you who consider me a friend.. I am a true friend.. nothing more.. or less...
jstmealways: Rainbow Graphics (Default)
I finally made the jump and put linux on my laptop, very happy girl I am now. I am loving it. Now I need to get mail and all that switched over to it so I can just use my laptop as my general workstation and get rid of this windows machine. I am in my glory today.

Walking with my head held high and a bounce in my step I feel as if I am back to myself again. Full of life and happiness and glad to be living and breathing.

As I awake

Nov. 2nd, 2005 10:21 am
jstmealways: Rainbow Graphics (Default)
I lay in bed wondering if this day is going to be any different than yesterday. Is there a hope that things will become more clear in my head. I look around me and see chaos. Self-destruction. I need to find my path again a path that at one time was so clear to me. I know now how much I want to get done and all of the goals that I have set for myself and I am wondering when I will be able to accomplish them all. I have completely allowed myself to get off of my path and to have been mislead. I need to focus on work and school and make my goals reality. My dreams at night are full of wonder and awe. I wish my everyday life could be anything like the dreams that I am having. I awaken in the morning feeling refreshed and relaxed a feeling that is so new to me. I stand in the shower allowing the water to wash off of me all of the bad in my life allowing me to start each day anew. Everyday is another new beginning. Another day to have a chance to leave your footprint. I am happy, honestly happy and alone. I can see this now. I like it this way. I like knowing that I can succeed in life with no one else by my side. I have a few wonderful friends and those that I can confide in which is all I need at this point. Everything else is just a distraction. These glorious thoughts always come a few days to late.. but better late than never..

I feel alive again.. so those of you who try and bring me down and like to pry into a persons personal life and talk about it behind my back FUCK OFF!!! You are no friend to me.. you are not needed in my life.. go away!! Please!! I beg you to just leave my life alone.. I am allowed to make whatever decisions I want in life and you are no one to be talking about my life to anyone else... live your own life.. leave mine alone.
jstmealways: Rainbow Graphics (Default)
So life honestly is pretty great right now. Things are moving along at a steady pace and I seem to have found my groove in life. I awaken every morning ready to move through the day with no regret and no remorse. I really like the environment that I work in, I like pretty much everyone I work with and school seems to be a little to easy so far this semester.. couldnt be because I dropped from 18 credit hours to 12 would it? lol Yes, I think that has a huge part in me being relaxed and able to keep my head above water. I am learning so much everyday at work and just love the experience that I am getting being there. I love the fact that I have access to all sorts of educational material and software so that I can try things out for myself. I can honestly play and learn all at the same time. *total geekness* w00t!! heh!

Matters of the heart.. well.. not so much. I mean.. well. I dunna how to explain it. I am not in love, or crazy about anyone at this point, a very cleansing feeling really to know that this happiness is ALL MINE! :) I have been in such a goofy mood lately and am back to making people laugh all of the time. Its great to honestly see me comming back.

I have discovered that I am a very emotional person, I get tied up in my emotions quite often.. altho its been better since the meds have gotten leveled out and I remember to take them everyday. All in all things are happy for me.. such a change of life.. *see I am smiling*

Drake pulled through his surgery and recovery just fine (even though I think I made a bigger deal out of it than he did) but he is all healed and no more Mr. Humpy Doggie. Hehe!!

Well, I was able to piece a newer computer together for my mom and dad today so I am working on getting windows xp (BLAH) installed and some other software installed for them.


OOOhhhh and I got Adobe Creative Suite 2 today!!! YEAH!! I have sumthin to play with now!!

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jstmealways

November 2009

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