jstmealways: Rainbow Graphics (Default)
As a child you think that the more friends you have the better right? Growing up and becoming an adult has proved that wrong to me. I feel that the fewer friends you have the closer that they are and the more that you can trust them. I have been stabbed in the back by more friends than I can honestly remember. What I do remember is how it felt and that I promised myself that I would never treat anyone in that manner. I feel that friends are an extension of family, these are people that know the most about you and those that you trust with your problems, your fears, your joys, and most commonly your secerts. Sometimes its hard to tell who is honestly friend and who is foe. Usually this takes time to find out and once you do discover someone you thought was a friend is honestly a foe. I have found that about several people in my life, people that I thought that I could trust and be honest with. Yet, in the end they enjoy talking about you behind your back and making your life their amusement because they have nothing better to do than to pry into your personal affairs and make those affairs known to all those around you. I don't understand why people must be like this. How sad their lives must be if they have nothing better to do than to sift through someone else's life. I have thought about not journaling anymore because I am sure my journal is a source of information for them seeming as I no longer talk to these people. Yet, this is one of my outs.. a vent. This is my soapbox.

Believe it or not folks, I am happy, I am enjoying my life and living it to my specifications and no one else's. I like where I am at in life, I like the person that I am. I am HAPPY and don't rely on anyone else for this happiness. I don't have to know everyone's business around me.. nor do I find it necessary to spread things around about other people.

I would like to think that to those of you who consider me a friend.. I am a true friend.. nothing more.. or less...

As I awake

Nov. 2nd, 2005 10:21 am
jstmealways: Rainbow Graphics (Default)
I lay in bed wondering if this day is going to be any different than yesterday. Is there a hope that things will become more clear in my head. I look around me and see chaos. Self-destruction. I need to find my path again a path that at one time was so clear to me. I know now how much I want to get done and all of the goals that I have set for myself and I am wondering when I will be able to accomplish them all. I have completely allowed myself to get off of my path and to have been mislead. I need to focus on work and school and make my goals reality. My dreams at night are full of wonder and awe. I wish my everyday life could be anything like the dreams that I am having. I awaken in the morning feeling refreshed and relaxed a feeling that is so new to me. I stand in the shower allowing the water to wash off of me all of the bad in my life allowing me to start each day anew. Everyday is another new beginning. Another day to have a chance to leave your footprint. I am happy, honestly happy and alone. I can see this now. I like it this way. I like knowing that I can succeed in life with no one else by my side. I have a few wonderful friends and those that I can confide in which is all I need at this point. Everything else is just a distraction. These glorious thoughts always come a few days to late.. but better late than never..

I feel alive again.. so those of you who try and bring me down and like to pry into a persons personal life and talk about it behind my back FUCK OFF!!! You are no friend to me.. you are not needed in my life.. go away!! Please!! I beg you to just leave my life alone.. I am allowed to make whatever decisions I want in life and you are no one to be talking about my life to anyone else... live your own life.. leave mine alone.

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jstmealways: Rainbow Graphics (Default)
jstmealways

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